i will continue to make you proud
mark my word

it's a good thing to call. you know at least what's going on. i called dit. she told me everything. things i should have listened before i had made a grave decision. at least now i know i won't repeat my mistakes again. 3 years i have closed it finally. i know the truth now. i know what to do. i know who is who. i know who to trust.
dit: thanks girl. 2 years of friendship we had. and today you had been a great help. thanks. without you i will still be in the dark till now. thanks for being a great girl friend though we can hardly hang out now. i know i can count on you when everyone else turns away.thanks for crying wit me.

kit kat: hey though we haven't really know each other but thanks for being there to support me. giving me advice. scolding me when i'm just being foolish. you never fail to brighten my day. telling me to pick myself up on my own. e phone call we have, start with a cry but always end with a laughter.thanks for putting a smile on me and encouraging me throughout (: you know me better than most other people i know

平和型（?和豁?，?天知命）
您通常是?暖、友善、忍耐、?和、不好??，以及???。您偏好和平、有??、可?期而舒服的生活。您喜?配合?境，因而很?知道自己的?先次序，?成跟??人所希望而去做事，有?候甚至模仿?人??的腔?、用?，以及身??言。

??：非常主?，具有?多?趣和嗜好。您喜??人?伍，可以?了?人而??最具生?力的工作成效。
缺?：您?「自我?忘」，失去了什?是?自己真正重要的?察力。您很容易分心，即使一?人?，亦有可能把高度?先的事情留到最後才做。看起?很像是拖延，但?不故意。

?情：您一旦?有了??，不?想到分?，而且?承?去???常不分?的??。您既忠?又慷慨，可以不?妒忌或??心去支持???伴?的成功，?伴?的需要浮??，更能?予回?。
您的?怒最有可能在?密??中??。因??您迎合?人?，自己就消失了。「我有好?一段??不知道自己的感?，?是一片空白。?她投射出她所??我感?到的事情?，我?便陷入?吵。我痛恨??情形，但是?於引?我找到自己想要什???有?助。」

安定方位：成就型在安定的??下您??得很?一，能在短???完成?多?出的事。
?力方位：忠?型?面?感情的?力或情??抗?，您??得充?恐?，意?到所?在的威?，不但?得退?，甚至唯命是?、好?、?扭而且更?固。
建意：??自己的想法，而非???人的意?注意您?改?的不?感，???迎新事物。注意您的?固和被?式抗拒
最渴望：和洽相?最恐?：有??，有?突最??到的美德：果? (Right action)最?克服的?念：?惰 (Sloth)

how much would you go to salvage your friendship? put aside your pride and humble yourself.
it's not easy but i'm not going to let a little bubble or pride get in my way. i'm not sure if it is worth it but i'd like to take a gamble. maybe i was wrong all these while but i was too blind to see it. maybe i was too much to you. maybe what i thought it was isn't what it really is.maybe you are not that bad after all.maybe i should be a better friend to you.i will try.i don't want to lose a friend like you.i don't want to be like one of those people who are too proud to admit their mistakes; too proud to grab hold of the friendship; too proud to say "please stay.i'd like to salavage our friendship."because we have been through a lot and i am not prepared to lose you again.you are not just those friends who come and go.you listen to my cries.reassure me that things will be fine.pick up my call at 4am.never yell at me.lend me a shoulder to make me feel safe.

will it kill you to say something nice instead of bringing me down all the time??
will you perish by motivating me??
do you have to think so highly of yourself and criticise me all the time??
seriously, what's so great about you?
tell you what you are just an empty shell inside.
all those big talk is nothing.
before telling someone to f*** off
please f*** off 1st man
i can't stand being around you
suit yourself

i'd like to stand up
again
on my feet

i'd like not to
look up to you
and feel miserable

i'd like to live in peace
and not be haunted
by your being

i'd like to find my self-esteem
and not hang my head
feeling inferior

i'd like to face the world
without you
at nect to neck wit me

i'd like to see
what is beyond
you

i'd like to find my identity
that i lost
when you stepped in

i'd like to find myself again
in my own haven
without you

i'd like to be
true
to myself

i'd like to be
me

louise kissed us!! 

roomies :) 

romactic background. a sight t behold 

me and marcia and Bath 

i'm done with the past. no more turning back for real this time.
i'm done with this fruitless business.i deserve much better than this.
walk out of that door and don't look back.
don't
look
back

changed my blog template. gotta get away from blackness once in a while.
i love my new blog face :)
i'm still stuck at home with math.
most of my friends have finished their exam and rejoicing now.
wait and see.
next thu is my turn, guys.

yeah this sounds quite choppy. or rather maybe most of my entries sound so.

here goes,
these few days have been critical days for big decisions. an abandoned3 years affair. it was quite a complex case. still unsolved. i will have to see how it goes this summer holiday. hopefully there is still time to salvage a friendship. i don't abandon friends. good friends. no matter what has happened. yes you may have changed. but deep inside you there is still a fragment of your old self that lingers. i want to hold on to it. and build our friendship where we have left off. brick by brick. the foundation is more or less solid enough. it's up to us to decide the next step.
hopefully in years to come i can still sit next to you laughing to your jokes with a genuine smile and see that glimmer of boyishness persist in your eyes.

even if the world comes crashing down or everybody else turns against you i still want to stand by your side and lend you the support i can as a friend. deep inside you no matter what still remains a buddy i found years back. we went through thick and thin then. i can't forget that. i refuse to abandon you just because of things that have happened since feb 14th. though it is too complex to comprehend, i would like to take it as a journey of self discovery. it is because of you i found my identity, and who i want to be, although it contradicts your beliefs. we are different no doubt thats why we complement each other as friends which is otherwise a disaster.

come to think of it you have been the one persistent in listening to my problems. well you are not as sympathetic as you used to be since now your life takes a greater priority to you so it seems to me. i wish we can be more understanding and caring to each other; initiated kindness, without being told; maybe that's when me and you will smile again. (yeah i believe in platonic friendship.come to think of it 3/4 of my friends are boys and i see nothing wrong with that. just as you are with gals.) let's rebuild our friendship. sounds challenging but yeah i can tell it's gonna be hell of fun. i love problems. just that you have too tolerate my mood swing sometimes. not the most pleasing trait but too bad you gotta put up with it. ( however i can proudly say it's much better since we 1st met) my bad :P

ps jgn gr man. it's just a dedication. i'm not ready to enshrine a blog to u. hah! i only do that for myself.

testing 

testing 

Inner voice is the voice mouth of the sub conscious mind.

It is the dare devil child of the intuitions which we have been having since childhood.

Its good to go by intuitions most of the times because its the response provided due to the synchronism between our mental and physical being.

I am the master of my fate,I am the captain of my soul.

the world does go around
and me
i have to take a step forward
and move to the next quarter

Man are poor judges to their happiness
More often than not, you have to sacrifice the innocents for your happiness.
Unintended.

somtimes you have to follow your desire and sacrifice your conscience to attain happiness. is it true?

"A child has the eyes of innocence, and sees things as they could be. A child is not worried about making an adult decision. Fantasies, wishes, hopes and dreams guide the young ones through life. It's only after they have grown to adulthood, that they have been clouded and blinded from that innocence. Then decisions are made through logical evaluations and not through the heart of spirit."

we are the products of the society cut out to fit their demand.
we are complied to think in certain way; to feel coz we perceive so; to act according to a fixed code of norms.

i reflected back on Emma by Jane Austen.
times have not really changed for most of us.
people marry by class back then and
now we mingle by parentage.
what the adults taught don't change
but what we act do change.
we don't listen so much anymore.

social norms hardly change.
homosexuality is a taboo in Tennessee Williams times.
It is still now.

[i'm talking about Asia.]

In the eyes of the adults, sometimes things seem to be going by the book according to the social rules. I wonder if they ever penetrate the mind of their children.
here's a scenario.
you are a straight A student, your parents have always known you are an angel.
you never skip classes ( maybe that's what THEY assume) and you behave well acc tording to Confucius.

however they know nothin who you mix with after school. who you chat with online. where you haunt the night.do they even know you do the things they would have frowned upon?
maybe they won't even know if you lost your virginity outside. do they even know you saw what you shouldnt have? even if u reach the legal age the would still restrain you if they can help it. they do not know the reputation you had built among another spectrum of the world.your world.

yes it is worrying. this happened to some of the people i know.it is rather disturbing that those you thought the least would have done it in fact are the most obvious suspects in the end.what if such things happen to the closest person next to you? would you feel that the ammoral side of the world closing on you? would you fear being the next victim? some people seem to be able to get away with what they do so easily; even if the have committed the most condemned deed their life still goes on as per normal; or is it not? you can keep on guessing what goes on within them really. however i wouldn't know for sure coz simply i haven't been there. all i know is as long as i stick to my principles and conscience, everything will be fine. in the end what makes a person is the beliefs he or she embodies.to fight what you believe in against pressures, influences or even desires is perhaps one thing you will get used to as you grow; the challenges may prove to be increasingly unbearable down the road.

(have i used apostrophes correctly? hopefully Ms R won't get the chance to see this. how heartbreakin would she have felt when her lecture has gone down the drain? sigh. too bad isn't it? who could be interested in spending the last hour of afternoon lesson listening to someone droning on grammars out of all things?) sorry girl, my bad.

8 papers down
3 more to go!!
C3 + C4 + mechanics = do i care the least?

i gave my blog a face uplift.
tho im not so pleased here and there but it looks alright.

FRESH and NEW

maybe i do need one too. XTREME MAKEOVER perhaps?

yeah maybe get a J Lo butt? ha ha joking

i am contented with my behind. big enough for my liking.

this weekend gonna be NO STUDY period. i'm just simply going to unwind and just chill out.
basically give my brain a chance to laze and non stop rock music.

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